Here's some map I drew by hand. It's not to scale so fuck you. It might be missing a lot of important shit, so fuck you. I forget which way north is because I'm too lazy to stand up and figure it out, so fuck you. If you like the map, fuck you too. I like that word too much. And I present to you, a MASSIVE piece of dog shit (a.k.a. my 5min map of Damascus)... please laugh very hard at my pathetic effort to make a map. I want you to laugh so hard your teeth fall out and make love to giant blocks of cheese. I want you to laugh so hard the naighbors wake up and call the p00-p00 patrol... or you can just look at it and stare stupidly at your computer....

For anybody who noticed the big green spot in the lower left of my crap (ahem, map)... it's actually some fucker's house that I deemed unimportant and as about as interesting as the rest of the town. I missed a lot of shit, but it's just to give you a basic idea of what this little pile of poop is made of (other than poop). Wait, I left out ALL of the houses, but who cares? I certainly don't.

Here's a list of everything in Damascus that I can think of:

• p00p
• p00p
• p00p
• p00p
• p00p
• p00p
• dog p00p
• p00p
• p00p
• p00p

And here's what the p00p was molded into (it's impressive!)

• 2 Chinese food places
• 3 barbershops
• 2 schools (actually in the town)
• 2 fast food places
• 6 pizza places (Ledo's, Jerry's, Pizza Hut, Dominoes, PaPa John's, and NY J&P)
• sex toy store
• 2 drug stores
• 2 supermarkets
• post office
• hardware store
• 4 gas stations
• library
• post office
• 4 banks
• a park (but nobody goes there)
• water tower
• p00p
• bike shop
• paint store
• florist
• gymnastics place
• craft store
• old folks home
• tanning salon
• 2 churches
• an ice cream joint (I forgot it on the map, but who cares? Their ice-crap sux.)
• and a shitload of houses

There's supposed to be a Burger King opening soon, but I really doubt it'll ever open in our lifetimes, or ever. Anybody wanna help me steal the sign? I always wanted a BK sign in my room. There's probably some other crap that I forgot or didn't bother mentioning.... if I forgot anything major, oh well, fuck you because there is NOTHING major in Damascus anyway.... whoops, I forgot the town dump. It's funny to smell the trucks before they dump their gold into the Potomac's tributaries and kill all those cute little fish so the Safeway people can pick them out of the water and sell them to little kids as candy. Yes children, those tootsie rolls you're eating, it's not REAL chocolate you know.... it could be anything in there. If I were you, I'd give it to the neighbor's dog.

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