Here's a list of things that would make things better in Damascus, in any way possible... shit, I know there's a lot of them, and I'll probably miss more than my fair share, but we all know they're there.

• finish booger king
• better restaurant than Ledo's
• re-open kluttered kloset
• record shop
• anything that stays open after midnight
• more people
• stop pretending the town is so important. It's really not, really, it isn't.
• tell the cops to go away
• legalize oral sex
• put rednecks in quarantine
• get a lake
• somewhere to buy new pants
• decent ice cream place
• bigger high school
• monkeys, lots of them
• typewriters, lots of them
• long chains
• Beowulf
• military surplus place
• some sort of club
• body piercing place
• do something about abandoned shit
• pedestrian crossings
• more parking lots
• some other shit

This is where you go if you want to bump into people who you have seen before. All of them will remember your name, age, birthday, what happened yesterday, the president's name, and your shoe size. You will have no clue as to who the hell they are. You will nod thoughtfully to everything they say and you will be best friends forever and can make little people out of p00p. The list is pretty sad, isn't it?

• jimmy crone
• crapdonalds
• we is
• safespray
• library

If you want to bump into people you actually know, or cool people (two very different things), just fucking leave Damascus and everybody will love you because you came from such a dumb town and you must be dumb to because everybdoy who lives in Damascus is retarded.

The simple solution is to flatten Damascus and build a landfill in its place. It will smell less like p00p and more like crap, and it will be more interesting too.

<<<<<<<<----------*WOOF*-------