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And then the cops came...

I got bored one day and decided to make a small page dedicated to the band we all love to hate, Anal Justice.

Vocals: Drewcifer
Guitar: Brian
Drums: Keith (not pictured)
Bass: Jason
Sarah does something. I think.

Don't mess with me. I listen to funk and play Centipede.

So anyways, here's where the whole bastardization of a band began...

Once upon a time, when fish sticks and terrorists were sacred, or at least relatively undefiled, I went to Fields of Noise 2000, which had been organized by my old friend Matt and his friend Ben. This was basically an all day music festival with really horrible, unpaid, angry, starving bands. The worst of all these bands was a group from Churchill HS who called themselves "Third Twin" or some shit like that. They were a wannabe Goth band that sang nursery songs and ad jingles for deodorant. They probably needed it after we were done with them. That part comes later. Anyway, the lead singer was some scrawny, furry guy that had a whiny voice that cracked too much. The drummer was retarded or something, but he was always playing the same 4/4 (Yes! I know more about music than Anal Justice!) over and over again. Then there was the guitarist who thought he was the Unabomber. Turns out he was some Arab guy who probably learned how to play guitar ten minutes before he went on. Why couldn't he look up to somebody who's a cooler role model, like Al Gore? The other guy in the band was some idiot who wore a homemade shirt with "Lord Belly" written on it. So much for the human race.

Little did our small entourage know that worse was to ensue. Immediately after their first song, which I admit wasn't all that bad, Lord Belly breaks open a 20 lb. bad of... *GASP* ... fishsticks and dumped it on the audience. Apparently (and obviously) nobody thought that this was very funny. Apparently (and obviously) nobody thought their next song was any good either. People began grabbing the fallen fishsticks and began hurling them with great force back into the faces of Third Twin. I got the lead singer in the head. Brian nailed Lord Belly. Eventually, Keith got so pissed off at their pathetic attempts to make something that could be passed off as music, he got "YOU SUCK" painted on his body and walked right in front of them. We just stood right in front of the band like that for the rest of their pathetic set. After they were done grinding out their pitiful, miserable filth, it took half an hour to clean the stage of thawed fishsticks and the lead singer cried.

So what does this have to do with Anal Justice? At the end of the day, our whole little crew was hopped up as pixies from consuming too much sugar and caffeine. After a long three second deliberation, we decided that Third Twin was the most horrible band on the face of the planet and that no other band could possibly be worse. The funniest part was though, they TOOK THEMSELVES SERIOUSLY!!! I still, to this day, have trouble believing this. I mean.... shit. I give up. Anal Justice was formed as a parody of this band and specifically to piss off Third Twin.

What's in a name?
Well, Drew and I used to play Blood (thanks very much to Monolith Entertainment!) online against each other. When people joined our server, we would maul them. Every time you shot some guy's head off, a little message would pop up on your screen. It would read something like:

"Player_1 rips GuestPlayer a brand new orifice!"

OR

"Player_2 serves up GuestPlayer with some anal justice!"

This is where the band name originated from.

So far, Anal Justice has had one actual gig. The result was that everyone within a two mile radius of the show called the cops and it got busted. The funniest part was that all the band members left about four seconds before p0p0 came in and busted some heads. Thank GAWD it wasn't my house! Oh well. It was cool. Except that my set was the one after, the one that the cops tore up. Fuck.

I'm too lazy to type anymore so this is where the page ends. Bye bye.